But i have 5€!

Cust: I have 5€!!!
Me: What can i do about it?
Cust: It cost too much!
Me: What?
Cust: My option it cost 14€!
Me: Yes you have that plan for the last year..
Cust: But 5 minutes ago my phone fall on the floor!
Me: I think you will be fine!

Master of the keys!

Customer: I want to buy a tablet but i want to see how i can check my bank balance from it!
Me: Well of course, you just need to go to your bank website and then insert your credentials
Customer: But can you show me now?
Me: Well ok, do you have your credentials?
Customer: No, i want you to give me everything!
Me: Madam i don't have the credentials to your bank account...
Customer: Then why did you told me i could do it? it was a LIE!!

The Invisible Ink

Customer: What is my Password of my iPad?
Me: I don't know madam, maybe you wrote it on a piece of paper?
Customer: Yes!
Me: But this is a white piece of paper with just your your name...
Customer: But is what i put in my iPad box!
Me: But your password isn't written here...
Customer: Why isn't written?

Into the Wild

Customer: I'm going on holiday to the Mauritius Islands
Me: Lucky you, hope you will have a great Holiday!
Customer: But how much will it cost to call from there?
Me: Very remote island, very expensive calls, it will be around 3€/minute
Customer (Talking to the Partner): Ah no, if is going to be so expensive calling i don't want to go there on holiday!

Why don't i have email

Customer: This phone doesn't work! I can't see my mail!
Me: Why sir?
Customer: See? I press the gmail icon but i don't see any email!
Me: But do you have any email?
Customer: I don't know!
(Of course the solution was simply that he don't have any email!)

I don't want to move my finger

Customer: I bought a new phone and facebook isn't working!
Me: No Madam you are pressing the red Tango icon not the blue facebook!
Customer: But i want facebook!
Me: Then press the blue icon
(Customer keep pressing the red tango icon)
Customer: See??
Me: Madam why did u press again the wrong icon?
Customer: because is what i have under my finger!

Future is Yesterday!

Custmer: Why did I paid the monthly bill in advance? (Showing me a January Bill) Me: But what is written in the bill as paying date? Customer: February! Me: So how is February in Advance compared to January?

I forgot what i forgot

Cust: I forgot my password! can you recover i for me?
Me: yes, you password of what?
Cust: Oh but i don't know!

The lost Bank

Cust: I don't have service! But i lost my Bank Account!
Me: You mean you lost your Account Number?
Cust: No no i lost my Bank Account!
Me: You lost your bank?
Cust; Yes!
Me: Sir your bank is the "Italian PostOffice Bank", you can't loose it..
Cust: But my internet doesn't work!
Me: Still you bank does exist, go there and ask about your account..

Spying bank

Cust: Vodafone is spying on me!
Me: Why?
Cust: It keep sending me SMS when i make a payment with my credit card!
Me: I'm sorry i think that's you bank sending the sms..
Cust: No no i ask the bank and they say it's not them!

Everyone is a customer sometime

Customer: I'm a Lawyer and i want to denounce the company X! I sign a contract for 20€/month and i receive 40€/month!
Me:  What contract did you subscribe?
Customer: I don't know! i didn't read the contract!
Me: Well can you show me the contract?
Customer: The guy who sold me the plan didn't left me a copy!
Me: If i was one of your clients, and i told you i blind sign a contract without reading it and without asking for a written copy, what would you say to me?

Drill is power!

Customer enter showing an iPhone open with a drill to remove its battery.
Cust: Yesterday the phone didn't turn on, but i try to open it but the battery was sealed!
Me: But why didn't you try to recharge its battery?
Cust: Because i forgot the charger at Work!

Technology fix everything!

Cust: Hello i need to request a medical prescription for medicine XYZ
Me: Well sir someone would say that smartphone are drugs but i guess you need another kind of store..

New form of Energy

Cust: My phone keep getting signal from Slovakia and paying more for that.
(That's ~500km away and with a lot of mountain in between)
Me: No maybe your phone is just showing the wrong name.
Cust: But [Random name] told me is possible.
Me: No. Slovakia is way to distant! That's just physically impossible madam!
Cust: Come on everything can happen in this world!
Me: In that case madam i suggest you to call the Royal Swedish Academy and reclaim the Nobel prize that you deserve.

I'm sure... maybe

Cust: i'm billed internet even if i never use it!
Me: Did you check if your phone have internet enabled?
Cust: NO! but I'm sure!
Me: Well maybe you should check it takes 10 seconds..
Cust: NO! i'm sure i don't need to check!

Of course he was wrong and he have internet enabled
(Of course enabled against his will from <insert your favorite conspiracy> )

Internet of sms

Cust: I finish all my money! WHY???
Me: You see you went over your free bundle of internet..
Cust: But i have so many sms left! can't they use them to go in internet?
Me: Did you ever try download facebook over sms?

Cust: But why do i need to pay for phone call instead of spending the money on beer?
Me: Because you want to call your friends to drink a beer together!

Over the TOP!

Cust: My phone is defective! The Volume is blocked!
Me: Why?
Cust: You see it go 8/10 -> 9/10 -> 10/10 and then it stop!
Me: Is normal that's the maximum
Cust: But i want more!!

Free Cinema is not for everyone

Me: With this if you spend at least 10€/month you will receive a free cinema ticket that month.
Cust: But do i receive my free ticket even if i don't put money?
Me: No of course!
Cust: Ah i know all this was a scam!

A Mother need her son!

If there is a patience Guinness record i want to apply!
(Between parenthesis are my thoughts)

Cust: I'm the mother of X Y (Completely unknown person)
Me: How can i help you? (Thinking: " who the hell is your son??")
Cust: My phone is black
Me: Did you try to turn it on?
Cust: NO! when i call it's black!
Me: You mean when you try to make a phone call your screen go black?
Cust: NO! I can't receive calls!
Me: Can you please show how you make a phone call?
Cust: I say i can't call i have no money! (Already want to strangle her..)
Me: Well then it's easy madam you just need to put some more money!
Cust: But my son take care of everything!
Me: Then tell your son you finish all your money!
Cust: But i need my phone NOW! (i lost my patience NOW!)
Me: Then you need to recharge NOW without your son!
Cust: No no no... i can't do this without my son! But you know my son is X Y!
Me: Anyway you still have to put money...
Cust: But why do i need to recharge? (i know i should have bought that crocodile's pit for customer like this one..)
Me: Because you have no money!
Cust: But why? (I open her phone, and easily spot an international call)
Me: You see madam? 3 days ago you make a 10 minutes phone call to France!
Cust: But it's my nephew Z W! (another unknown name)
Me: That doesn't mean then calling him is for free!
Cust: But he call me!
Me: No madam the phone clearly show that is in the "outgoing call" not in the "received call"
Cust: So what should i say my son? (to not let you out of the house o begin with..)
Me: You don't need your son, you need to put some money in!
Cust: Are you sure?
Me: YES!
Cust: Ok then! (Hallelujah!!!!)