Master of the keys!

Customer: I want to buy a tablet but i want to see how i can check my bank balance from it!
Me: Well of course, you just need to go to your bank website and then insert your credentials
Customer: But can you show me now?
Me: Well ok, do you have your credentials?
Customer: No, i want you to give me everything!
Me: Madam i don't have the credentials to your bank account...
Customer: Then why did you told me i could do it? it was a LIE!!

The Invisible Ink

Customer: What is my Password of my iPad?
Me: I don't know madam, maybe you wrote it on a piece of paper?
Customer: Yes!
Me: But this is a white piece of paper with just your your name...
Customer: But is what i put in my iPad box!
Me: But your password isn't written here...
Customer: Why isn't written?

Brain out of guarantee

Customer waiting in line before the opening..
Cust: I wait a lot because my phone stop working!
Me: How?
Cust: I receive this mail from Google but when i click the link it doesn't work!
Me: But this mail come from freemoney@gmail.com you didn't click right?
Cust: Yes i click and it ask my password but then it doesn't do anything!
Me: You better change all your password madam.
Cust: Why? the phone have a 2 year guarantee!
And i would have loved to answer: (but i couldn't)
Me: yes but your brain is clearly out of guarantee!

Humidity is Important!

Cust: I don't know the humidity!
Me: I'm not a weather station madam. I don't have this information..

Cust: But i gave Vodafone 10€ yesterday!
(Note: i don't have any connection with this company)
Me: Then you should ask them, but i doubt Vodafone sell this kind of Service (Is a Telecom provider)

Cust: This is all unfair i want my money back!
Me: Then madam you should go to this company and ask for it.
Cust: Why can't you give me the money??

Me: Do you see Vodafone writtern anywhere in my shop? No! That means i have no affiliation with them!

Cust: But you sell phones!
Me: Yes but that doesn't mean i should pay the debts of Vodafone..

Miracle never received

Cust: I send a letter to close the service but it's still active
Me: When was the letter received at the company?
Cust: They didn't receive it, but that's not my problem, i have the receive that i sent it! The law say that's that all i need!

Randomness

Customer: Why is it Diesel if my Car is normal Gas?
(We sell electronic device here)

After a long inquiry i understand that the customer want to know how to change a setting of a strange application i never heard of!

Swimming phone

Customer: My Phone isn't working.
Me: Well you see the water test tampon on the back of your phone show it was in contact with water.
Customer: What? Just because it took some water i have to remain without my phone? I need my picture! I need my phone!
Me: Well your phone NEED to remain in a dry environment!

Virus are all your fault

Customer who 1 year ago brought a PC full of viruses and spyware to clean enter.

Me: How can i help you?
Cust: well it's been a year and it stop working again! Now my keyboard isn't working anymore!
And is all fault of my SIM card! because 1 year ago you changed it! (He connect with a UMTS/GSM modem)
Me: If your computer did work perfectly 1 year ago when i give you back the computer cleaned it means is NOT the sim card i gave you 1 year ago!

Cust: But i didn't do anything wrong in this 1 year and now it stop working again!

Me: well i will give it to a technician and clean it again, but you will have to pay agian.
Cust: No, why is all fault of your SIM card!

How do you dare ask for money?

Customer (Asking for a service): You mean you ask money for that? (With a VERY surprised voice)
Me (Thought but not told): Didn't you notice we don't have a "charity church" sign outside?

Bribes

a customer trying to bribe me with a coffe to make the computer forget about his past unpaid bills.. Every day a new fool's day...

Free help is not without payment

Customer of the day:
He: My device have this problem.
Me: where did you bought it? (seeing that is a product that i didn't sold in the past, but that i know)
He: Media market (A big chain of shops around this area)
Me: I guess you will have to bring it back where you bought it to have this service done under guarantee.
He: Oh but they are such incompetents, and this problem is reflected by their incmpetence. can you please fix it for me?
Me: I guess not, i think is fair for who got the earning from the sales to pay the cost of this service..
Conclusion:
Where is my Chainsaw when i need it?

But i really need the service

Genius of the day:
Cust.: I didn't pay last 2 bills (4 months), could i have the service restored without paying?
Me: No
Cust.: But i really need the service!
Me: Then you really need to pay.

Far away

Cust.: Hello i don't know how to use this device, could you explain me how to do this that and that?
Me: (realizing that he didn't bought it from me?) Sorry but where did you bought it?
Cust.: At the big super market outside the city, they have a better price then you.
Me: then i guess you should go to ask instruction to who sold it to you.
Cust.: But is so far away!
Me: If it didn't look so far away when you have to buy it why is so far away now?